Irritating, isn't it?
Written by mv Thursday, 01 April 2010 01:26
It can be and often is a different world out there for au pairs and their host families. An au pair can say one thing and mean another. Here is a little story from “Irregular host mom”. She came to a point of feeling at a loss with her au pair. But read for yourself.
This first au pair of ours had been a very nice and kind girl for the first three of days. Delightful with the kids, Bettina was hands-on, became a ‘buddy’ for the kids on day two. We couldn’t have been more pleased. And then came day 4. Her first day alone with the kids. In the evening she told me that she was irritated. Why? I wondered. Her response, “well should I put the toys away, or should the kids put the toys away”. I didn’t understand the source of the irritation, but oh well. I told her “both, the older girl can put her own toys away and for Max, my 3 year old, you will have to put his toys away”. So, I was able to put that irritation to rest, so I thought.
Next day came and in the evening I heard from Bettina how irritated she was because “the schedule tells me to play and be active with the kids, but I am also supposed to keep the kitchen clean”. I tried to diffuse the situation by telling her to keep the kids busy, and while they are painting a picture or working with play doh, put the dishes into the dishwasher and wipe the countertop.
Two days later I would an irritated au pair in my kitchen because the dishwasher wouldn’t work for her. Two days later the pantry irritated her. At that point I was ready to pull my hair out by its roots.
I just needed to find out why this girl was constantly frustrated, and everything irritated her. I called her best friend aside, on next visit to our house on the next day after work. She is a sweet au pair from the same country, from Germany. I asked her to talk to Bettina and find out why she was so unhappy, constantly irritated and, my biggest concern, if she wanted to change host families.
Stefanie got back to me next day. She told me that Bettina has been having a hard time getting used to everything in our house. Having to multitask, as her schedule required, had her confused. She was also confused about simple tasks like making sure the toys are put away in the evening, the dishwasher confused her, the pantry confused her because she didn’t know where to put what.
“But Stefanie, why is she irritated at everything?” Her answer “Bettina is “irritiert” the German word for confused. I was dumb founded. Bettina hasn’t been irritated all along, she has been confused. That’s all!?
I just needed to sit down with her and go over the schedule and explain how she could handle the kids’ laundry, while keeping the kids busy at the same time. Show her how the dishwasher works (I probably didn’t take enough time when I showed her first); I needed to explain to her how I kept the pantry organized.
That was 1 month ago. Good news from the Warner household. Now we have a happy au pair, happy kids, and happy host parents.
Do you have any goofy au pair stories to share with us? Misunderstandings, misinterpretations and the like?
Comments
We arrived and I found a room without any music instruments, but tables with CHESS boards set up. Ups! But at least I could play this one with him.
We figured out pretty quickly that that word by word translation of the German name for this food means "wiggly peter".. My hostdad explained the different meanings of "peter" in the U.S. to me that night... It was very funny though!